Write a Book

For about the eightieth time in the last quarter century I’ve decided to try and write a book. The working title is “I Went to Our Saviours”. I’ve had the idea for a long time and actually know a majority of what I’m going to write. I also had meant to write it while I was still working to give me something to do while I was at work and maybe make the days go by faster. I also pretty much know what the rejection letters will say if I get that far. They will be filled with words like, stupid, drivel, written at a below second grade level, do you even know what punctuation is, Don’t ever send us anything again, We are all dumber for having read this, etc.

I have most of the first draft of the prologue complete. Here is a sample.

In the summer of 1974, my parents received the following letter from the Jacksonville Public School District.

“Dear Mr. and Mrs. Flynn, The Jacksonville School District 117 Board has unanimously agreed to “requesting” that you find alternate arrangements for your son Timothy’s education. While we are required by law to offer an education for all school age children we feel it would be better for all involved that your son to attend one of the many highly regarded private schools in the Jacksonville area. Your cooperation in this matter would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you.”

This seems to be a pretty drastic step for a school district to take but one it felt it needed to take after an incident that occurred on the final day of school at Franklin Elementary in Jacksonville a couple of weeks before. It was believed but never officially proven that I applied some Mrs. Tuckers baking shortening to the handstand apparatus the Principal Foley used each year for his end of the term handstand in front of the entire school population. Needless to say, the performance didn’t go as planned.

To this day I claim the open three pound can of shortening was planted in my locker. My shortening splattered shorts and the can opener found in my pocket after the show was completely circumstantial.  I’m sure Columbo or Angela Landsbury could have cleared my name in minutes if asked but my parents declined to do so.

I know I’ll probably never finish it. And if I do no one would ever publish it. And if they did no one would ever read it. And if they do it won’t win a Pulitzer or a Nobel Peace Prize, And if it does my acceptance speech won’t be any good.

I went ahead and rented a tux just in case.

I’ll keep you posted.